


what comes after

by keizh



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2
Genre: F/F, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 13:05:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14619201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keizh/pseuds/keizh
Summary: fumi takes makoto on an emotional rollercoaster in the middle of the night





	what comes after

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry that i projected far too much bc this was more or less born out of a need to vent, but hey it is comforting i guess even tho fumi doesn't deserve this at all please forgibe me
> 
> anyway have some fumi and makoto and their quasi-relationship thing i guess

“Hey, want to drive somewhere with me?”

“Somewhere?”

“Yeah, somewhere.”

This is how Makoto ends up in the passenger seat of the car at nearly midnight on a weekend. She only says yes as she does not have to go to work the next day so there is ample time to waste in the event that Fumi takes them further than expected.

She does not ask why the sudden desire to go on a late night excursion to nowhere, sensing that perhaps it is a question better left alone for now. Besides, Makoto does not want to risk ridding Fumi of her strangely determined smile.

The radio suffices for filling the silence from the both of them for quite some time and Makoto busies herself with staring at the dark scenery passing by until they reach the long stretch of the highway and all that’s really visible are the guardrails.

“Where are we going?”

“Just as far as seems necessary.”

Makoto figures she should have expected an answer like that and peers out the window again, testing out various questions she could ask in her head. Ultimately, she just abandons the idea entirely as empty conversation sounds less satisfying than the background noise.

She has not really gone on car rides for the heck of it and this is a first for her as most travels done by car were for business alone. The silence was expected then as well as the forced pleasantries to pass the time. An aimless journey with a friend, however, did not seem to require futile efforts to fill the space. Plus, Fumi was not so much the type to humor random conversation.

Makoto does make a comment when they pass a particular exit, unable to quite help herself from sharing a small tidbit of information that comes to her mind and Fumi simply hums in response. Makoto is not really sure that she is listening, but it is not as though it is important that she does.

After another 25 miles has passed, Fumi finally breaks her rather silent concentration.

“Usually, I go alone.”

“You mean, to drive?”

“Yes. I’m not sure why I invited you this time. It just seemed like a nice idea to have company for once.”

“I’m glad you let me tag along.”

There’s a few minutes of silence as Fumi struggles to say what’s on her mind. When it does finally leave her lips, her voice is rather strained.

“....... They contacted me.”

“... They?”

“My family.”

“Oh.”

Usually, it was more accidental that Makoto found out. This time it was deliberately presented to her and so Makoto cannot help a bit of a frown as she tries to figure out something helpful to say about it. Fumi, however, seems to notice that the topic has thrown Makoto for a loop given the silence that followed.

“I suppose in a sense it bothers me, but it’s useless to really feel that way.”

“I wouldn’t say useless,” Makoto shifts in her seat a bit, nervous that Fumi might find such a statement all too obvious.

Fumi just shrugs at this, mostly just to stop herself from further expanding on the feeling.

“Hm… I should have come alone.”

Makoto quickly responds, unable to keep from fretting that she said the wrong thing. “Ah, I can stop speaking if you want.”

“It’s not that. I just don’t want to make you listen to this drivel.”

“I really don’t mind,” Makoto stares at Fumi with concern, but of course Fumi is too busy staring at the road to notice.

“But I do.”

Makoto hesitates to say anything further, knowing full well that she really cannot argue with that. She wants to help her, but words are difficult and she has never really been great with handling emotional matters either.

“Forget it. It’s nothing that matters to me, anyway,” Fumi regrets having opened the gates to her problem, but it was a bit late now. At any rate, she could avoid saying anything more for the time being at least.

It didn’t bother her at all.

Not at all.

It’s another 20 minutes before Fumi seems to have had her fill of driving aimlessly and settles on taking an exit off the highway towards a campsite as was indicated on the sign. Makoto says nothing, expecting that Fumi was just going to turn around right away anyway, but they drive further and further down that small road.

Eventually, they reach a parking area and Makoto looks a bit uneasy at hanging around the location for long, especially since they were not in fact renting any of the cabins there nor even pitching up a tent.

Fumi does not seem to care though and just parks the car, getting out without saying a word as Makoto nervously follows suit.

“Fumi, we shouldn’t stay too long…”

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry so much. It’ll be fine.”

“I’m just- I’m just making sure you keep in mind-”

“What’re they gonna do, give me a polite warning? You worry too much. Besides, it’s quite late anyway. I don’t think they would expect anyone to suddenly come at this time.”

“... If we get in trouble-”

“Shush already, I’ll take care of it if that happens.”

Makoto quiets down at that, although she cannot shake off the paranoia of getting caught. She stays right behind Fumi as they head down one of the paths, using their phones as makeshift flashlights as their vision had yet to fully adjust to the dark surroundings. Luckily it is not as though they are walking an untrodden path since it is one leading towards some of the cabins. It’s not too long of a stroll before they arrive at a nice little area with a bench and Fumi immediately flops down onto it. Makoto takes a much more careful seat next to her, stiff from all of her worry.

Fumi releases a small sigh, before looking over at Makoto who was already checking the time on her phone. How typical.

“Stop that.”

“Mmm, we should be asleep by now.”

“You, maybe. I would’ve come here alone still.”

Once reminded of that, Makoto puts away her phone in a bit of a hurry. Right, she didn’t need to worry about time. Fumi was more important.

“I really am a bit of a pain sometimes,” Makoto admits, sheepishly.

“Haha, sometimes.”

As much as Fumi tries to keep an amused smile on her face, she finds it difficult as the silence settles in again. Slouching down further so that the back of her head rests against the edge of the bench’s backing, she stares blankly at the night sky with all of its million little star lights. It felt strange suddenly to imagine herself in this same spot with only herself as company, no Makoto in tow.

“Do you usually come out here?” Makoto breaks the silence.

“Every so often.”

No wonder she was so assured that it would be fine to hang out as such.

“... Is it only when this sort of stuff happens?”

Fumi raises a brow at the vague wording of it, but decides not to bother trying to get Makoto to address it more frankly. “There is a correlation, yes.”

Fumi can sense that Makoto is trying to lead up to a way to gently wrangle more information out of her regarding what is the issue, exactly. Who in the family? What was it about? When did it happen? Fumi bombards herself with the questions and immediately feels drained.

“I lent them money,” Fumi bypasses all the general answers to get to the root of it. She scoffs however at the sentence, quickly correcting herself, ”Lent, I say… Gave, more like it.”

Before Makoto can really say anything though, Fumi jumps in once more to intervene from having to go through the painstaking process of being asked anything unnecessary.

“It used to be every month, but now it’s just whenever they happen to remember I exist, which isn’t really all that often.” Fumi sits up again, sighing as she leans forward and rests her face against her hand. “It’s still enough to be bothersome though.”

“... I see,” Makoto sounds like she is holding herself back from saying more.

“And yet I continue to try and pacify them knowing full well that I will never be anything more than a sizable deposit into their bank account.”

Fumi bends further forward briefly, grabbing hold of a twig on the ground that her attention had settled on. It’s rather long so she takes to lightly dragging the tip across the dirt lazily, elbows rested atop her knees again as she gathers her thoughts.

“Heh, you know, it’s funny to think that if someone like Yamato were to ever know of such things, he might think me a complete fool.”

Makoto hesitates in response, choosing to be careful of her words. “... The chief does have a certain way of thinking about such things.”

Staring fixedly at the stick in her hand, Fumi stops the movement for a moment as various things she could say cross her mind - all of them empty words, of course. It takes a little longer to reach something with more worth in saying and Fumi resumes her idle toying with the twig. “I suppose what I really want to say is that I think of myself as a complete fool, but it’s not quite as amusing looking in the mirror as it is speculating how someone else might view me.”

“... I don’t think you’re foolish for helping them.”

A smile breaks onto Fumi’s face, having fully expected such a soft response.

The stick lightly taps against Makoto’s shoes as Fumi chuckles, “That’s simply you wanting to be nice to me.”

“Even so, there’s no reason to be so harsh towards yourself.”

“Harsh, huh..?”

“It’s not as though you’re the one at fault.”

Fumi says nothing to this, tapping the twig against the ground restlessly now. With Makoto, she cannot be quite so difficult in her responses unfortunately as her concern is genuine.

“... Well, I would just rather the problem didn’t exist in the first place, that’s all. Considering everything, I cannot help but desire the ability to simply have come into existence without a single, obligatory attachment to anyone.”

“It’s strange to hear you say that,” Makoto cannot help the comment.

“Why? Because it makes no sense? What high standards you hold for me,” Fumi says it all with a grin.

“Wh-what I mean is-”

“It’s fine. I’m well aware these type of statements do not fit my usual character. It just helps to senselessly indulge in such futile longing whenever this occurs...”

Fumi tosses the stick back on the ground having grown rather bored of fidgeting with it. At that point, Makoto scoots a bit closer over to her to awkwardly put her arm around her shoulder and give a small squeeze. Her hand lingers for a bit before she goes back to having her arms loosely crossed against her front, having made her attempt to do something mildly comforting since no appropriate words were coming to mind still.

Fumi straightens up at that, sitting back against the bench only to lean to the side in order to use Makoto’s shoulder as a headrest. She considers divulging more about her situation, but finds it rather unappealing and chooses instead to change the subject.

“For some reason, this reminds me…”

“Of?”

"You know that night, when we kissed?" Fumi can feel Makoto stiffen at this.

"Ah..."

"What's with that?"

"Well, it's just- you know-"

"I know what?”

The silence is longer than expected and Fumi makes a guess as to why this may be.

“Not a good memory?”

There is a significant pause before Makoto finally answers, "... Something like that."

"And why's that?"

"... I mean, it wasn't really- wasn't really real..."

"Hmmm, and what's real then?" Fumi pulls away to get a better look at Makoto. She refuses to look over at Fumi, though, peering down at her shoes as she shifts position slightly in discomfort.

"... If it means something."

"Did it not mean something to you?"

Fumi asks it in a much more careful tone than her usual playful manner and Makoto swallows hard, unable to quite get herself to say anything in return.

"What was it then?”

It feels like an eternity before Makoto finally does speak and when she does, it is only just audible and laced with uncertainty, “... Maybe, a mistake…?”

Immediately, Fumi blinks in wide-eyed, pure disbelief, before her expression settles into one of languid acceptance. “Wow, harsh. I did not expect that from you.”

“Isn’t that what it was though?” Makoto questions hurriedly.

This time Fumi is silent for a bit, before mumbling, “... I wonder.”

They sit for a bit in a mutual, crestfallen stupor as the weight of their conversation slowly sinks in deeper and deeper. The air gets so thick that Makoto regrets having said anything at all and she attempts to cut through it with a firm apology, “Sorry.”

“No, I shouldn’t have brought it up like that-”

Makoto briskly interrupts, “I suppose it was better it was brought up at some point.”

“I meant,” Fumi prods Makoto in the arm with a finger, “I shouldn’t have brought it up as though I wasn’t remembering it with fondness.”

“Huh?” Makoto’s finally turns to face Fumi now that she has gotten her attention with the strong poke.

“It’s a good memory for me.”

Makoto is certain her hearing is failing her at this point and so cannot help questioning her again, “What?”

“What, is it so wrong to have enjoyed it?”

“Well, n-no, but-”

“I guess, I should ask if you had issue with it… never thought about that. Hmmmm,” Fumi stops her absentminded poking, crossing a leg over the other as she slumps down into the bench again.

“I didn’t have issue with it, it’s just-”

“Just what?” Fumi glances over at Makoto, pushing further to get an answer. “... I’m not gonna figure it out unless you tell me.”

Makoto shifts uncomfortably in her seat, but soon that isn’t enough to really calm her nerves so she abruptly stands up. She paces about a little and Fumi watches with patient curiosity. After much fidgeting and staring off into the forestry, Makoto finally seems to have gathered herself enough to face Fumi again. Though, her gaze immediately falls off to the side as soon as she starts speaking.

“... I liked you- er, well, maybe I still like you, but at the time-,” Makoto stops herself from elaborating as her thoughts are all a jumble again.

“Ah, I see. That makes sense.”

Makoto nudges at a rock with her shoe, “Ignore the part where I said still maybe like, I-I don’t know actually.”

“Oh.”

“... You know what I mean though, right?”

“Of course. I felt the same way then so-”

“... What?” Makoto stops rolling the rock around, staring straight at Fumi now.

“Why else would I have done it?”

“... I... dunno, b-because I… I mean-” Makoto falters over her words, “I feel like I put you into a place of obligation-”

“I don’t know if you remember, but I was the one who initiated the kiss so I would say I made you feel obligated if anything.” This silences Makoto from trying to fumble out more nervous rambling and Fumi adds onto her statement soon after. “Which, I apologize if I did make you feel obligated at all....”

“No, I was- that was what I wanted as well.”

“I’m not exactly good at that stuff so I kinda forget to keep these things in mind.”

“It’s okay… I’m not any better at it obviously.”

“Guess that’s settled then.”

“... Yeah,” Makoto nods.

“It’s a shame we weren’t clear on that earlier.”

Another nod, but Makoto hangs her head in thought for few seconds, “... Yeah.”

“Then again, perhaps it was better to have never addressed it.”

“Why’s that?”

Fumi changes position in her seat as she reminds Makoto of her own words just prior, “Well, you said it was a mistake, did you not?”

“It wasn’t a mistake.” Makoto’s response is so quick and with definite certainty that Fumi finds herself slightly puzzled. She assumes it was said to save face more than anything, but figures it wouldn’t hurt to try and see the reasoning behind the sudden swap in opinion.

“Changed your mind now, hm?”

Embarrassment rises up, burning at the back of Makoto’s neck as she struggles to find the right way to explain herself now that she had been called out on the statements. “... I said that thinking that’s how you thought of it, not that I actually thought it was a mistake…”

“God, Sakocchi,” Fumi starts with a failed attempt to stifle her laugh. “You’re a mess sometimes.”

Makoto’s face is absurdly warm from the whole mix-up and she finds herself grateful that Fumi cannot see just how red she probably is, “I know…”

“A mess, but cute nonetheless.”

“......... You’re teasing me,” Makoto tries to mock offense, but a smile creeps through anyway. She cannot actually be mad at her for it.

“I do like to tease you.”

A peculiar warmth slowly rises to Fumi’s neck the longer she observes Makoto, prompting her to speak. “You know-” She starts, but hesitates to keep going.

“Hm?”

Fumi waves it off against her better judgement, “Never mind. It’s nothing.”

“I doubt it’s nothing.”

“Alright, inane more like it.”

“After what just happened, I doubt it can be any more ridiculous than my… ah, denseness.”

“Yes-” Fumi fights to not break into light laughter and is somewhat successful. “Yes, that is true.”

“... So what is it?”

Fumi wishes that Makoto didn’t bother to ask that and her amusement wanes quickly. Still, she forces herself to keep at least a small smile on her face, “I don’t know why I never asked you before.”

“Asked me…?” Makoto ponders for a second, before realizing what she means. “Ah, to come with you like this?”

“Mmm, I suppose it’s just because I’m used to being alone, but…” Fumi sighs at her own thoughts, finding it rather tiresome to have to outwardly explain and fight against her desire to just not bother saying anything at all. “... It’s been rather nice being with you.”

“Fumi,” Makoto takes a seat on the bench again, placing a hand on the other’s shoulder with a comforting firmness. “You know you can always ask me if you need anything...”

She is careful to not watch even as Fumi tries to casually brush at the corner of an eye, knowing all too well what that meant. This was something she had never encountered with her friend and Makoto desperately wished she knew what to do to help her that didn’t bring unwanted attention to it. Makoto is not sure how long they sit there without saying anything, her hand still resting atop her shoulder.

Staring rather focusedly ahead, Makoto goes over a couple possible choices, weighing the pros and cons of each before glancing over as she removes her hand from her.

“....... If this is too forward of me, please tell me,” Makoto says, reaching over to place her hand upon Fumi’s.

It’s only a short moment before Fumi moves her hand to gently intertwine fingers with her instead.

“Hey…”

“Yes?”

“........ I want to kiss you,” Fumi’s voice is abnormally quiet, “is that okay?”

Makoto is not much louder with her response, “... Yeah.”

The kiss is much gentler and slower than the first time and feels perhaps just a couple seconds much too short, but the brimming sensation of pleasant warmth lingers for much, much longer.

 


End file.
